I realized something over Christmas break, I have just been surviving. A couple words the dictionary uses to define surviving are remaining, continuing, enduring, and living through. I have been enduring life and simply remaining. Remaining in old habits, and in old sins. Dwelling in the past, and waiting for the future.Waiting for something to change, sitting and wondering when I would be something. God did not create me to just survive, but to thrive in hardship and to rejoice in trials. Christ never told me to be safe, comfortable, and selfish. He calls his disciples to deny themselves and pick up their cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23).
I had been struggling to read the Bible daily and spend morning quiet time with the Lord. I made excuses, I'm busy, I need to start studying, I'm tired and the list goes on. When it came down to it, I had the time but not the desire. That is something very hard to admit. There was distant between God and myself. My thoughts, actions and everything in between suffered from being distant from God. My heart ached, my soul cried, and these aches and cries were for nearness with the Lord. God answered my crying prayers like He always does.
God gave me the desire to desire Him, a craving to crave Him and want to want Him.
Over Christmas break I sat down and started at the beginning, Genesis. Each day I read two or three chapters. I had been dry and weary but the spirit started breathing bits of life and joy into me. Every day I read, and by God's endless grace I began to desire my Savior more and more.
Till this point I had been surviving and not growing. Thankfully God never rations His grace but lavishes His unworthy children with grace; so that we may grow in Him. Looking back I see how I was striving to please the world and not my Creator who loves me deeply.
My mom always told me to bloom where I was planted. Though to be candid, I just dreamed of the future and a time when I would have a purpose. However, I must live for Christ today. Despite what the flesh whispers to me, God does have a purpose for me, not just in the future but most importantly right now. I need to bloom where God has planted me.
Two books I am currently reading are "You and Me Forever" by Francis & Lisa Chan and "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis. Both of these book are amazing and inspiring, and give you a lot to think about. They share how they are living in light of eternity. The Chan's talk about marriage in light of eternity and share some amazing stories about marriages that are glorifying God in powerful ways. Katie shares how each day in Uganda God helped her to love unconditionally and give everything up for him. Through these two books God has been teaching and helping me to bloom.
Its February now, I joyfully read God's word everyday and then some more. I plan to read the Bible from beginning to the end this year. I have read through Genesis and half way through Exodus. There is nothing better then God's word. In the previous month, through the spirit, I have cried, bent my knees, prayed and worshiped God with more intention. God is flooding me with grace to grow in and passion to serve Him.
All glory and honor to God. He is my all in all.
Photos by Emma Katherine
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